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read my profile sign my guestbook Name: lexi Country: United States State: Ohio Metro: Cambridge Birthday: 5/28/1992 Gender: Female Message: message me Member Since: 2/25/2006

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

HEY sorry haven't

been around lately

but i updated and

they are

awesome

well my life has sucked lately

HEART BROKEN

and cutting deeper everyday well hope

u like the update

lata

lexi

5:31 PM - 30 views - 66 eprops - 43 comments - email it

Saturday, February 25, 2006

((ICONS___QUOTES))

z4156865

It becomes harder to try,

When your heart is broken,

It becomes harder to care,

When you just want to dissapear.

Everything that I have wanted to say,

Has been unable to get past my lips,

Because I know even if I say them...

You would not even care.

I have gotten worse,

As the days drown on,

I continually becomes worse.

The pain just settles deeper.

And I have less reason to try.

I don't actually care anymore.

If you looked at me you'd realize that.

It doesn't feel right without you.

The days seem darker, less likely to save me.

I miss the way I could be around you.

Let's make this worth the pain.

Just break my heart some more.

I hate myself,

I used to be so strong.

Everything became so complicated,

And now I lost control of my life.

The world doesn't wait for you to get better,

It just continues without you...

And it is your choice whether to join it or not.

I remember a lot about that year.

And then I remember none of it.

It is parts that I have tuned out,

Because I only want to remember the good.

But lately all I remember is the bad.

Get the hell away from me,

I don't want to be around you,

Because you are something

That hurt me so bad.

You think I am just scared.

But I am perfectly brave.

I just hate anything to do with myself.

So I run away.

Okay, so maybe things are different now.

But I still want to be with you.

And you still don't want to be with me.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Lives are easily shatters

And hard to repair.

I used to pretend that we were together...

I don't do that anymore...

It hurts to realize it is fake.

Maybe I say I am fine.

And most of the time I believe it myself,

But that doesn't mean it is true

So maybe I did pretend to love you

But that was only to prove

That I didn't still love him.

But I do still love him...

And I am hurting you.

This is a whole other world,

Where nothing is what it should be.

Those smiles you thought you knew,

Are as fake as the voices you hear.

No one tells the truth anymore,

And nothing is ever right either.

Because we are all hypocrites...

And we are ruining ourselves.

I sit up at night,

All the words I should have said,

Are bottled up deep inside my head.

And all the worries of another day,

Mix in with the things I should say.

No, things cannot be this bad.

The words echo in my head,

My thoughts killing my insides.

I close my eyes,

And once again...

Seal it all inside.

This is not what I wanted,

The darkness seeps upon my soul,

And maybe one day I will wake up,

And feel like one should

I am different and I am not ashamed,

So if you are ashamed of me I am sorry,

For not being normal enough.

It was never enough,

The way I felt for you,

Never seemed to be enough.

So as I lay here crying my eyes out,

I wonder exactly what I did wrong.

Whenever I am with him,

I am pretending I am with you.

I think I am in love,

With everything we could be,

Not everything we are.

itfell

Sometimes, I just sit there,

Watching the people walking around,

I wonder why that is not me.

Happily going on there way.

No me, I am just waiting,

For a much better day.

I could be pretty,

If only no one saw my face.

I could be beautiful,

If I had on a mask.

Dreams are only ways of showing us...

What we could have,

If only we were good enough,

Or strong enough to ever achieve them.

So maybe this world is coming to an end.

And each person only lives a hundred years,

But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't love.

That doesn't mean that we shouldn't change things.

We all know those days,

Where you just sit around,

Talking laughing, enjoying life.

I miss those little days...

They meant more to me that this.

time cannot erase

I just want to be told

That I am beautiful,

And that I am worth the fight,

To be saved.

I can't take this anymore...

I love you so much,

And it is killing me.

If it seems like I am pushing you away...

Please realize it is because I love him.

So no matter how much I try,

I can never feel the same about you.

So, things have definatly changed.

And I feel my heart breaking even more.

Because now there is this other guy...a

nd I don't feel the same way for him.

I know I am hurting him,

I can see it on his face.

But, I cannot help it.

I just do not love him.

I want things to change for good this time.

A new begginning, not another end.

A few more smiles, not as many tears,

And and end to all those horrible years.

Did I ever imagine you and me together?

Yes, every night before I closed my eyes.

But I realize that is just some image

Of what will never ever be.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like,

If I was prettier, and could google any guy.

All those lucky girls think they are so great.

No, they were only lucky...

To be freaking born that way.

It makes me so happy,

When you call me pretty.

But then it makes me hate you,

To realize that it was such a lie.

Seeing my face now,

After all the secrets and lies,

I see the things that no one sees.

The things that are underneath that fake smile.

props

I never was a pretty girl.
No boys ever chased me.
My heart was always broken.
And I was always used

& when a guy breaks up with a girl and she
begins to cry, don't think of the girl crying for
the guy. don't think of it as she is crying because
she's upset. think of it as she's crying because she's
wondering what she done wrong. as if she wasn't good
enough. she's crying because she's going to miss the memories
of being with him. think of it as she's crying with what's left of her heart.

so you turn up the music
and try to block out the screams
you try to ignore your heart
as it crumbles and bleeds
the pain is too much
you can't take it anymore
and everytime you turn up the volume
you scream a little more

so let's end these conversations
here is your congratulations
you've left me bare and burned out
with a broken heart && a broken mind
i heard it all heals with time.

she sits on her porch
alone with her headphones on
listening to depressing music.
the mascara running down her face
as she looks up at the stars
& wishes upon every one of them
that one day he would love her
as much as she loved him

[that is so very true to me]

Charlie Brown: I think I'm afraid to be happy.
Lucy: How can you be afraid to be happy?
Charlie Brown: Because whenever you get too happy, something bad always happens

Most people go to funerals
thinking wrongly of why they are there..
They are not there because the person died,
They are there because that person lived

i hope someday you find all
my quotes, all my words, & read them all.
i hope you know that they're about you
and when you read them, i hope a single
tear runs down your face

And although i act like it doesn't hurt.

The pain hurts worse then any knife.

Love

Cheers to another awkward moment. You look at me, I look at you.Things will never be the same.

she was much too pretty and much too depressed. he saw the beauty & overlooked the MESS.

She types "I'll be okay" as the tears run down her face.

Tell him I hate him.
Tell him I don't need him.
Tell him to have a great life without me.
Tell him he means absolutely nothing to me anymore.
Just don't tell him I said this with tears in my eyes.

once upon a time words never hurt me.
change never killed me. love never
broke me. fear never shook me. my hopes
never faded away. i never needed to
break away. i'm always happy i never
lie. yeah... once upon a time

by the ones I was too quick to tru

you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further....
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips--
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
Betadine...
Antibiotic cream...
Medical tape...
Scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without it...

Image hosting by TinyPic

Image hosted by TinyPic.com Image hosting by TinyPic

Image hosted by TinyPic.com

I don't need a reason to kill myself, I need a reason not to.

I admit it, I'm really sad when I smile. Even when I laugh, you can see it in my eyes. If you look close enough, that is. Deep inside... I want to cry.

Sometimes you have to stand alone, just to see if you still can.

She hides it well, don't you think? Behind every smile with every blink, falls a tear so cold and hurt with every whisper, every look. No questions asked, why or how... they never cared. Then and now, she hides it well.

Everyone seems to be finding happiness.. (I guess I'm just falling a little behind.)

Even if tears are streaming down my cheeks, I still manage to whisper the same few words, "I'm fine."

It isn't her heart that's breaking, it's everything else.

I don't want to be alone tonight. I'm scared of where my thoughts will wander. What happens if it's too overwhelming?

...and I'm sorry that I was such a disappointment.

What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn't fail?

Nobody understands how much I miss you. Miss how we used to talk and miss all the things we used to do. I try not to admit it to myself that I still feel that way. Nobody knows that I still wake up thinking of you each day.. I still think of you and I really do miss you. I would give everything I have to be everything that we're not.

And if one day I start to matter, let me know.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

And you reach so hard it makes you fall, for these hands that let you go, that shouldn't let you go at all.

She holds it all in as she walks down the long hallway, as they all stop and give sympathetic looks, but she doesn't want sympathy; she wants out.

Isn't it amazing how you can keep so much bottled up inside of you, and you can just walk around and nobody has any idea?

Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say 'cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

And she wants you to know, you're her entire world.

Saying goodbye was never as hard as it was last night. And as you hugged me, I could feel you not wanting to let go. And, to tell you the truth, I wish I hadn't.

One minute you're gliding along. The next minute you're standing in the rain watching your life fall apart.

I don't want to like him anymore. I just can't. I'm obviously not good enough, and I'm not going to sit around and wait until my chance. So I'm just over him. But there's seriously something about him that makes me like him so much. Since I met him, there's something about him that has made me hold on all this time.

And as she sits and wonders how no one would notice if she died, oh the view from her balcony, seems so beautiful tonight.

The only thing worse than a break down, is a public breakdown - when everyone witnesses your lowest moments.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I think physically dying would be better than being killed from words.

Sometimes I think if I fall and die in the middle of the hallway at school, will anyone notice, or will they just keep walking?

How can I be good enough for you if I'm not even good enough for myself?

Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of this was your fault.

My life is like holding onto a rose full of thorns: the harder I hold on the more it makes me bleed.

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I will never forget the way I smiled whenever you were around.

I don't think you understand how hard it is when everything I do somehow makes me think of you.

Yes, I'm perfectly mentally unstable thank you...

Most people play until it hurts. I play until the pain stops.

Life will die, why prolong the torture by living?

Just try to comprehend that which you'll never comprehend.

Sometimes, you gotta put walls up... Not to keep people out, but to see who will care enough to break them down.

Walking across the thin ice of my dreams, Fearing the cold waters of reality beneath me. Yet onward I tred.

I definitely don't want to keep on self harming, but I am also quite frightened of living without it.

Everything's fine, I couldn't hurt more.

The perfect ones. The beautiful ones. The right ones, the just ones, the noble ones. The ones who never break down crying in restaurants, who never do anything in secret that they would be ashamed of. The normal ones. The healthy ones. The ones who always plan ahead. The content ones. The happy ones. The ones who work hard and reap the benefits, who brush and floss after every single meal. The well-adjusted ones. The popular ones. The ones who never disappoint, the little boys who do grow up to be president. The lucky ones. The ones with perfect skin and perfect teeth and perfect figures. The ones who want what they have and have what they want. They don't exist. The ones posing as them are even more fucked up than you.

This letter explains everything. The content is the truth and each word could cut like daggers if I finally decide to give it to you.

Sometimes you wonder who would really care if they lost you...

TRAGIC BLACK

The past is annoying; it always shows up. In everybody's words, in every song you hear, in every block you walk, and you never get rid of it, no matter how hard you try.

from first to last

I keep silent, even when I'm screaming inside, because the things that drive me crazy I have no choice but to hide.

From First to Last

She's an artist, a good painter actually. See that smile on her face? It's her most famous piece.

From First To Last

You see that person? Confident, cocky, fun, and smiling. Have you ever wondered what they are hiding?

from first to last

Knowing someone who has depression or is suicidal and expecting them to just deal with it is like cutting a hemophiliac and expecting them to deal with it. It just doesn't work that well...

From First To Last

I feel like I've lost everything when you're gone, left remembering what it's like to have you here with me, I thought you should know, you're not making this easy.

From First To Last

This is where I say I've had enough and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises, and I don't believe that I'm getting any better.

From First To Last

I don't need this constant stabbing feeling in my chest whenever I think about you.

that would be ME

& i'm not the person that
i used to be - i have to admit,
A lot of shit got to me

tragic_icons

they say its for attention
but if it was for attention
I wouldn't try so hard to hid it

but not numb enough

it feels bad to be alone
cyring by yourself
living in a broken home
set me free

It’s eating her inside…she doesn’t know what it is that’s bothering her, all she knows is that it’s killing her inside. She never thought she would become the person she is today…she used to be so strong, now she’s falling more and more each and every day…she cuts her arms cause she can control that feeling of pain and hurt. No one can tell her what to do when she ahs the blade in her hand, she controls how hard and how deep she cuts every time…she likes the feeling…she’s so tired of people trying to help her solve the problem. It’s her damn life, so why can’t people just leave her the hell alone and let her deal with all the pain that’s bottled up inside her own way…cutting.

choke on ur words

She stopped for a while

She thought she could stop cutting

Any given time

She stopped for a while

But when something goes wrong

She goes back to the

One thing she can depend on –

Herself and the blade

She looks at her arm

And all the lines and scars,

People are staring to see it now,

They’re not unnoticeable

She can’t lie to her friends

About them anymore,

And now she doesn’t care

If they see them or not,

She doesn’t care what they think,

It’s a part of her and I people

Can’t accept that,

They don’t need to be in her life anyways.

NUMB

It cuts so deep and leaves a scar,

But no longer does it sting,

So I will the blade down deeper,

I have forgotten everything

PLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAASEEE

Tears fall, blood drips, how did it come to this?

and never leaves

You don’t know how much pain I hide, how many tears I’ve cried…how many cuts I’ve had to hide…you don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to die, how many times I’ve been ready to say goodbye, you don’t know what thoughts run through this head & I doubt you want to know

props

I cry from y wrist

In a bloody mess

Trying to deal with life,

One cut at a time

Dark Angel

Cutting made it better, but I knew it was wrong. I got so messed up, I didn’t know what was going on. I had to get out. I had to grow up. I Let my habit slip away and now cutting’s not enough.

I refuse to look in the mirror,

I refuse to see my face,

Red and tear streaked,

As my world falls out of place.

I refuse to look in the mirror,

To see the hurt in my eyes,

The shaking of my body,

As I resort to silent cries.

I refuse to look in the mirror,

The pain in my heart spread like an infection,

And I witness it all,

All through my reflection,

I refuse to look in the mirror,

To see the last teardrop fall,

I refuse to watch the failure,

As I just give up on it all.

Slitting wrists and

Popping pills

Seeking pain and

Finding thrills

Narrow gashes,

Long slashes,

Never, ever too deep

Shallow wounds, and broken skin

The marks on the outside reveal the pain within

Jagged little scar, you know all my pain

Jagged little scar, you’ve kept me sane

Jagged little scar, you know my story

Jagged little scar, you can tell it to me

Jagged little scar, you have to hide

Jagged little scar, you show what’s inside

Jagged little scar, sorrow is your name

Jagged little scar, you know my shame

Jagged little scar, you’re not a dream

Jagged little scar, you’re my lack of self-esteem

A narrow slit, a crimson spring

The pain and blood are mingling

A tiny cut, a laceration

They call it self-mutilation

An opening, a small scratch

There is no hesitation

look at her scars, she makes herself bleed
By cutting herself, she hopes to be free
She knows that after, it just makes it worse
She's trapped in herself, she can't stop this curse
When things get bad, she does it again
And hopes for a time, when her sadness will end
Look at her life, she didn't want this
Look at her sitting here, cutting her wrists
She missed so many years, she grew up too fast
She can't ever forget, she can't change the past
Look at her memories, none of them good
She can't wipe them away, she wishes she could
Look at her tears, as they flow down her face
Now she feels nothing, just stares into space
Her pain is taking over, there's nothing she can do
You can see her, but she can't see you

Slicing and dicing, she cuts deeper and deeper,
seeing just one drop of blood will make her happy.
Crying and shaking, she raises the knife,
wishing for the courage to take her own life.
Pushing harder on the blade, trying to die,
she often just sits and wonders why;
Why are people so selfish and hating,
nobody knows the pain she suffers through.
She just wants love, why don't they understand this?,
nobody says I love you or asks her how she is doing.
Wanting love more than anything in the world,
wanting to feel pretty once in awhile.
Crying and trying to die once again,
all she really needs is one caring friend.
Depressed all the time for reasons unknown to herself,
wishing all the pain would just go disappear.
Trying to be happy and funny is hard for her,
even when doing things she once did enjoy.
No courage to actually kill herself,
just cutting makes her feel better.
Wishing she could die, not knowing why,
just wanting love and companionship.
Crying and shaking, she raises the knife,
wishing for the courage to take her own life...

There she sits so helpless

Just waiting for that special day

The day she set aside

When she’ll take her life away

Up until that day

She’ll screw her life up more

Taking all the drugs

And cutting like before

Stories of her messed up life

Are written on her skin

Keeping count of all the times

The knife just tends to win

Scarlet scars upon her wrists

Tell of all the times

She tried to go but something

Stopped her suicidal crimes

Her blood shot eyes tell of all

The countless times she’s cried

She has no more tears to cry

So her end she will decide

As that day comes around

When her ‘precious’ life she’ll take

She’ll bring up all the pain inside

And one more cut she’ll make

Never will she stop to think

Of all the people she will miss

You can call it ‘ignorance’

But ignorance is bliss

As she starts to think about

The story of her life

She wants to end it faster

Just to end all her strife

She curls up in the corner

And she begins to cry

All the while voices and whisper

Just fucking go and die

Mascara tears leak from her eyes

And stain her pale, white face

Trailing down her satin cheeks

Depression’s line they trace

She sinks her nails down in her arm

As she begins to shake

Substituting physical pain

For the pain from her hear ache

As she slowly falls apart

She starts to crave her blade

She takes it out and wastes no time

To add to the cuts she’s made

She drags the blade along her skin

As she watches the blood poor out

She feels control run through her body

And the voices cease to shout

She puts away her razor blade

With no sign of regret

She knows that she will do it again

For the pain she can’t forget

As she starts to breathe again

And her shaking finally stops

Her weak and fragile body goes

To her bed and drops

Her eyes begin to slowly close

As she thinks about that day

Where all her struggles end as soon

As she takes her life away

All I seem to think about is sharp things

They’re dancing across my skin

The red lines pop up

The blood starts to flow

I sometimes even dream about it

I think I’ve finally snapped

Cutting used to calm me down

But now I gave it up

So what is supposed to calm me down

Thoughts and dreams about cutting

It doesn’t seem right to me

So what’s supposed to help me

I just need one answer

But all I can think about is to cut again

I don’t want anymore scars on my body

But there seems to be no alternative

Cutting is the only thing that will never leave me

Your perfect little girl dropped a grade on her report card.
Your perfect little girl yelled at you last night.
Your perfect little girl talked back to you again.
Your perfect little girl painted her nails black.
Your perfect little girl lied to you all her life.
Your perfect little girl cries herself to sleep.
Your perfect little girl slits her wrists untill she bleeds.
Your perfect little girl dated before sixteen.
Your perfect little girl was broken by a boy.
Your perfect little girl doesn't go to church.
Your perfect little girl hates you.
Your perfect little girl has given up on life.
Your perfect little girl had a tantrum today.
Your perfect little girl wants to run away.
Your perfect little girl has no real friends.
Your perfect little girl thinks she's overweight.
Your perfect little girl hasn't let you dry her tears.
Your perfect little girl disobeys you.
Your perfect little girl hates the world.
Your perfect little girl is hated by the world.
Your perfect little girl says bad things about you.
Your perfect little girl is very unhappy.
Your perfect little girl tried to commit suicide.
Your perfect little girl has become a disgrace.
But at the end of the day, she's still your perfect little girl.

razors and knives, horrible things, explanations, slip my mind, press and drag, for comforing stings, soon, addiction's what you find, no longer can you wait a day, an hour's far too long, despite what you hear them say, you still don't think it's wrong, you like the sting, it makes you smile, while the blood dripping down makes you snicker, finally, something worth your while, as the lines grow thicker and thicker

she's a mess. she looses faith in herself every day. her room is a mess and she doesn't even care. no one understands her. and people say stuff to put her down and no one even notices that she might be breaking inside. or they never notice that maybe she needs a hug from someone. or someone to sit there with her and listento her. maybe thats all she needs...

What if every girl who had ever been called fat became anorexic? What if every girl who was called ugly started to cut her wrists? What if every girl who had been called dumb ran in front of a car? What if they died? Would you care? Would you even notice? After all, you were the one who said all those things.

Everyone thought she was perfect

She always smiled

She was always laughing

No one would have thought,

That each time she looked in the mirror

She saw absolutely nothing,

Just her lost broken soul.

And she went home each day

To have the satisfaction

Of the blade dancing across her wrist

In a dance floor of her own blood.

Until one day,

The pain became to much,

For just one little dance,

So she grabbed her blade,

And with a simple wave of her arm,

She was gone.

A diary under the mattress

Drugs beneath the bed

A body on the bedroom floor

One gunshot to the head

Black clothes in the closet

Depressing pictures on the wall

Letters written to a *s*p*e*c*i*a*l* someone

Begging him to call

A mother who was crying

A dad who was out of state

She was always fast asleep

When her parents came home late

All she wanted was acceptance

For someone to say they tried

Each time people abandoned her

Another piece of her died

The ambulance outside the house…

Neighbors came to see what she’d done

She finally told the world how she felt.

As I write this tears fall down my face

But I know it must be done.

I need to tell you why I am the way I am.

I need to share my feelings

I’ve felt such anger and such pain that I

Can’t control it

Then to be diagnosed with such a disorder

Shows how screwed up I really am

Although on the outside I may look and act better

I still lie awake every night thinking about

My life and my mistakes

I still have to be excused to wipe the tears

Running down my face

I still have the urge to rip open my skin

And watch the blood pour out.

I still don’t want to live

I can’t control myself or my emotions

I don’t know why I am like this

And I don’t know when I’m going to change.

Dear Razor,

I think I have fallen in love with you. You’re the only one who’s always there for me no matter what. When I’m having a bad day or when I’m in a fight, you’re here. I thank you for being the one I count on. I know you’ll be there forever and ever. You were there the time he said he hated me. When I failed that test. When I lost my best friend. You’re always going to be here for me.

love always,

your friend

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